Bart's Blackboard Statements


            SEASON 1

  1. I will not waste chalk.
  2. I will not skateboard in the halls.
  3. I will not burp in class.
  4. I will not instigate revolution.
  5. I will not draw naked ladies in class.
  6. I did not see Elvis.
  7. I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
  8. Garlic gum is not funny.
  9. They are laughing at me, not with me.
  10. I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.

    SEASON 2
     
  11. I will not encourage others to fly.
  12. Tar is not a plaything.
  13. I will not Xerox my butt.
  14. I will not trade pants with others.
  15. I am not a 32 year old woman.
  16. I will not do that thing with my tongue.
  17. I will not drive the principal's car.
  18. I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
  19. I will not sell school property.
  20. I will not cut corners.
    "   "   "   "      "
  21. I will not get very far with this attitude.
  22. I will not make flatulent noises in class.
  23. I will not belch the National Anthem.
  24. I will not sell land in Florida.
  25. I will not grease the monkey bars.
  26. I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
  27. I will not do anything bad ever again.
  28. I will not show off.
  29. I will not sleep through my education.

    SEASON 3
     
  30. I am not a dentist
  31. Spitwads are not free speech
  32. Nobody likes sunburn slappers
  33. High explosives and school don't mix
  34. I will not squeak chalk
  35. I will finish what I star
  36. "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
  37. I will not fake rabies
  38. Underwear should be worn on the inside
  39. The Christmas Pageant does not stink
  40. I will not torment the emotionally frail
  41. I will not carve gods
  42. I will not spank others
  43. I will not aim for the head
  44. I will not barf unless I'm sick
  45. I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
  46. I will not conduct my own fire drills
  47. Funny noises are not funny
  48. I will not spin the turtle
  49. I will not snap bras
  50. I will not fake seizures

    SEASON 4
     
  51. This punishment is not boring and pointless
  52. My name is not Dr. Death
  53. I will not defame New Orleans
  54. I will not prescribe medication
  55. I will not bury the new kid
  56. I will not teach others to fly
  57. I will not bring sheep to class
  58. A burp is not an answer
  59. Teacher is not a leper
  60. Coffee is not for kids
  61. I will not eat things for money
  62. I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
  63. The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
  64. I will not call the principal "spud head"
  65. Goldfish don't bounce
  66. Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
  67. No one is interested in my underpants
  68. I will not sell miracle cures
  69. I will return the seeing-eye dog
  70. I do not have diplomatic immunity
  71. I will not charge admission to the bathroom

    SEASON 5
     
  72. I will never win an Emmy
  73. The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
  74. All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
  75. I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
  76. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
  77. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
  78. I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
  79. I am not deliciously saucy
  80. Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
  81. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
  82. I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
  83. There are plenty of businesses like show business
  84. I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
  85. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun

    SEASON 6
     
  86. Beans are neither fruit nor musical
  87. I will not use abbrev.
  88. I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
  89. I will not send lard through the mail
  90. I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
  91. Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
  92. "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
  93. Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
  94. Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
  95. I will not strut around like I own the place
  96. The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
  97. I do not have power of attorney over first graders
  98. I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
  99. The first amendment does not cover burping
  100. This is not a clue... or is it?

    SEASON 7
     
  101. I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
  102. "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
  103. No one wants to hear from my armpits
  104. I am not a lean mean spitting machine
  105. The boys room is not a water park
  106. Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
  107. Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
  108. I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
  109. I am not certified to remove asbestos


  110. SEASON 8
     
  111. I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
  112. I am not my long lost twin
  113. The truth is not out there
  114. I am not licensed to do anything
  115. I will not hide the teachers prozac
  116. A fire drill does not demand a fire

    SEASON 9
     
  117. I did not invent Irish dancing
  118. Silly string is not a nasal spray
  119. I will not tease fatty
  120. I no longer want my MTV
  121. I am not the new Dalai Lama
  122. Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol related
  123. I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
  124. There was no Roman God named "Fartacus"
  125. My butt does not deserve a website
  126. Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
  127. Shooting paint balls is not an art form
  128. Pain is not the cleanser
  129. I will not demand what I'm worth
  130. I was not told to do this

    SEASON 10
     
  131. I will not file frivolous lawsuits
  132. Butt.butt is not my e-mail address
  133. No one cares what my definition of "is" is
  134. I will not scream for ice cream
  135. I am not a licensed hairstylist
  136. "The President did it" is not an excuse
  137. My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
  138. Sherri does not "got back"
  139. I will not do the dirty bird
  140. No one wants to hear about my sciatica
  141. Hillbillies are people too
  142. Grammar is not a time of waste
  143. It does not suck to be you
  144. I cannot absolve sins
  145. A trained ape could not teach gym
  146. Loose teeth don't need my help
  147. I have neither been there nor done that
  148. I'm so very tired

    SEASON 11
     
  149. Fridays are not "pants optional"
  150. Port is not a verb
  151. I am not the last Don
  152. I did not win the Nobel fart prize
  153. I won't not use no double negatives 
  154. I can't see dead people
  155. I will not sell my kidney on E-bay
  156. I will not create art from dung
  157. I will stop phoning it in
  158. Class clown is not a paid position
  159. Substitute teachers are not scabs
  160. My suspension was not "mutual"
  161. A belch is not an oral report
  162. Dodgeball stops at the gym door
  163. "Non-flammable" is not a challenge
  164. I was not touched "there" by an angel
  165. I am not here on a fartball scholarship
  166. I will not dance on anyone's grave
  167. I cannot hire a substitute teacher
  168. I will not obey the voices in my head

    SEASON 12
     
  169. I will not plant subliminAL messaGOREs
  170. I will not surprise the incontinent
  171. I am not the acting President
  172. I was not the sixth Beatle
  173. I will only provide a urine sample when asked
  174. The nurse is not dealing
  175. Science class should not end in tragedy
  176. Network TV is not dead
  177. I will not "let the dogs out"
  178. I will not hide the teachers medication
  179. I will not publish the Principal's credit report
  180. The hamster did not have "A full life"
  181. I will not buy a Presidential pardon
  182. "Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
  183. I will not scare the Vice President
  184. I will not flush evidence
  185. Fire is not the cleanser
  186. Genetics is the an excuse
  187. Today is not Mothra's day
  188. I should not be twenty-one by now

    SEASON 13

  189. Nobody reads these anymore
  190. A burp in a jar is not a science project
  191. Fun does not have a size
  192. I am not Charlie Brown on acid
  193. I do not have a cereal named after me
  194. I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers
  195. The giving tree is not a chump
  196. Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
  197. Vampire is not a career choice
  198. I will never lie about being canceled again

    SEASON 14
     
  199. Fish do not like coffee
  200. Milhouse did not test Cootie positive
  201. The school does not need a "regime change"
  202. Spongebob is not a contraceptive
  203. I will not (Bart then smashes the blackboard)
  204. My pen is not a booger launcher
  205. Sandwiches should not contain sand

    SEASON 15
     
  206. Over forty & single is not funny
  207. I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be

    SEASON 16
     
  208. Poking a dead raccoon is not research
  209. Beer in a milk carton is not milk
  210. A booger is not a bookmark

    SEASON 17

  211. Does any kid still do this anymore?
  212. I am not smarter than the President
  213. Teacher was not dumped--it was mutual
  214. I will not eat things for money
  215. I will not flip the classroom upside down (the scene is upside down)
  216. I will not leak the plot of the movie
  217. Je Ne Parle Pas Français
  218. Have a great summer, everyone

    SEASON 18

  219.  
  220.  
  221.  
  222.  
  223. I will not mess with the opening credits
  224. I will not fake my way through life
  225. I will not bribe Principal Skinner
  226. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
  227. I will not hang donuts on my person
  228. I will not dissect things unless instructed
  229. I will remember to take my medication
  230. I will only do this once a year
  231. Nerve gas is not a toy
  232. Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
  233. It's potato, not potatoe
  234. Hamsters cannot fly
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